I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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