I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
