You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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