I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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