Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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