I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
