I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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