Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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