Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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