I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
