I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
