I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize