we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
