i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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