did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
