he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
