dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
