She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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