he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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