so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
