Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
