He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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