lets start a swedish sibling band together
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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