We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
