my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
