just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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