My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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