covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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