Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
