I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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