I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
