He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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