no, he came in my armpit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
