Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
