Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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