If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he thought i was a dude.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
