Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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