...so i touched it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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