Dual....:-)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
