Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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