you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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