sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
