So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
