So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
