I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
