all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
