Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
