just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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