last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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