i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
