You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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