A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
