Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
