the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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