it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i love accidental penises.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.