I wanna bring you to show and tell
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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