I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.