We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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