I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.