Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.