Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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