I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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