To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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