Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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