Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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