Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
