i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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