But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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