i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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