I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
